You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
