I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
