You smell like stripper and shame
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
