either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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