I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
