my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
