This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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