Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
