its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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