okay pat passed out under dana's car
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
