Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
