Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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