Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
