it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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