4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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