There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
