if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize