i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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