So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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