I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
