I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
