Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We had sex on a dog bed..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
