Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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