I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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