I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
