elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's get the cat blown out
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
