Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
