Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
