I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
