Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
