I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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