I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
