i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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