i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
