So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
