Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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