I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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