people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
