i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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