My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
