It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
