I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
