My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
