Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize