Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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