I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
