is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
