i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
