I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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