What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
