p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
