U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
