i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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