pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
