Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
