are you still at the devil's house?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i dont even know how to be here
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
