There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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