I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this will be a night to untag.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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