they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
