God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
