pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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