When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
