therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
