You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
