I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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