my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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