grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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