i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you didnt know i had herpes?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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