We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
