Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
