drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
