I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
