If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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