I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
