We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
