So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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