Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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