I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
