I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
