You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
