OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
