Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
