When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
