Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
