I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
