I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
