I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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