is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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