btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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