there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
