yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
