ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
