if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
