Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
