It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
