I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
