fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
