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And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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