I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize