Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
