You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
