Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
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