is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
