the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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